As a new dancer or a casual dabbler, going to Latin dance socials or clubs can be a very daunting, stressful idea. Most girls I know are curious about Latin dances, but will rarely attempt to go on their own (even when they have other partner dancing experience) because they're afraid of looking like a fool and/or being touched by a dance partner in an uncomfortable way.
I have been social dancing in Latin dance scenes regularly for 6 years, and I've had some really truly amazing experiences, and some terrible ones as well.
On the terrible side, I have once been groped and kissed against my will, which was bad enough to put me off Latin dancing for a few months. (It is worth to mention the offender was a white male of my age, who was a fairly good dancer. He was probably drunk and just thought that I sent him the ok signs)
Then there are the embarrassing wardrobe malfunctions, boob grazes, a-little-too-akwardly-long Bachata pelvis grindings, accidental kicks from other dancers, dipping my head into someone's elbow, and of course, stepping on my own bloody toes. (And seeing blood.)
These all sound mortifying, yes. But I keep going back because A. You have to learn to laugh at yourself, forgive others, and move on in order to truly enjoy your life, and B. Partner dancing, when done with the right partners to the right music with the right feeling, can have an amazingly exhilarating, transforming, endorphin-producing affect, and there is so much incredible self-discovery/awareness and interpersonal connection to be had.
I did, however, develop a bit of judgemental-men-filing system of my own over the years, to avoid wasting my time/money/energy dancing with people whom I do not yet feel comfortable with. I think knowing what you might be faced with greatly helps with how you deal with a situation that turns out less than ideal.
Trust is a big issue in partner dancing in my opinion, and if I don't know the person asking me to dance with them, and I don't immediately get a comfortable feeling about our first interaction, I first refuse them, saying "Sorry, maybe next one?", then I watch them interacting with other people to see what they are like.
Every city has its own unique dance scene and culture. I've been to a few in the States, and I think New York City (my current city) has one of the biggest Latin scenes I have seen. Because it is big, there is also increased anonymity, which can be scary for young women starting out. My advice to someone who wants to try exploring Latin dance would be to join a local dance school/studio for regular group classes first, because it gives you access to some form of community you can identify with, and the dance studio can act as your safety net. Go to socials/clubs with your classmates and other dancers from the studio, and ask them to introduce you to good dancers they know. That way you start out with a face and a name in the scene, rather than a random girl nobody knows who can easily be forgotten. If you encounter a situation or a partner you don't feel comfortable about, you will be able to talk about it with other newbie dancers, experienced dancers, and instructors.
After learning basic steps/moves/combos, I think it is ESSENTIAL to learn body movement and partnering techniques. These are hard to learn in a group class setting at first, so I strongly suggest taking a private class if you can afford it. Take one with one or two female friend(s) for ladies styling/hip movements, and another by yourself with a male instructor for partnering technique. Learning good following technique can do WONDERS for your social dancing skills and thus, your enjoyment of social dancing.
(You will also be able to experience how a good lead feels, which should be nearly featherlight and fluid. So you can tell those guys who clench your hands and jerk you around to take a hike with more confidence!)
Once you start heading out there, you will be met with many different type of males. The following are my rough guideline. Keep in mind I'm more-or-less stereotyping here, and there are many exceptions. I find that my own vulnerability and mood also changes how I feel about the different types of men, as well as getting to know them after some time. Understand that we all are out there to try to have a good time, and everyone has a different idea of a good time. Just remember to protect yourself - don't dance with someone you don't feel comfortable with, don't let guys pull your arm too hard, keep awareness of your surroundings (running into people/wall sucks), hold your own weight and balance, speak up if you don't like a particular thing they are doing, etc.
Now, Let us examine the boys.
1. Skinny, well-groomed, cologne-heavy, tight-pants'd Latin boys
Pros: These guys are really into dancing, they take classes and often are in some kind of dance teams. (The ones in teams can be identified with the "team T-shirts"- some dance team T-shirt dudes are less likely to dress up fancy) They usually have great technique, know lots of cool combos, and are amazing fun to dance with.
Cons: The downfall here happens when they lack sufficient "social dance-converse skills" (a made-up word by yours truly) and you are not a super high caliber dancer they're used to dancing with, they will often end up pushing you around super fast, making you feel like an idiot with five left feet.
2. Latin men who are not dressed in "I'M A DANCER!!!" outfits
Pros: You get a nice variety. Some have dabbled in classes and will have average-to-good technique. Some are just really casual dancers (just like white people going to nightclubs to "dance"), and will only repeat basic steps, cross-body leads, and turns. This can actually be a really good practice to get used to different leads if you are a beginner.
Cons: If you are already a fairly advanced dancer, you might get very, very bored.
3. Slightly doe-eyed white boys in their going-out clothes
Pros: Usually they're here because either A. their girlfriends brought them, or B. their friends brought them. Forget the former, but the latter could be good to practice with, especially if you make conversations taking classes together in the beginning of the evening. (These guys are less likely to ask someone outside of their own social group to dance with)
Cons: Unfortunately not many in this category have good partnering technique, due to low exposure to partner dancing and rampant poor postures in the States.
4. White boy exception - Serious dancers
These guys are usually dressed in comfy jeans/cargos and a casual shirt (as opposed to going-out-to-club outfits), often drenched to bones with their own sweat. If you can get to them before they start sweating, or if you don't mind the dampness, they usually have good technique and are really fun to dance with.
6. Very short, very tanned, older Latin men. They can be split in two different subcategories; A. really intuitive, amazing dancers, or B. dirty old men, depending on how you look at it.
Pros: If you dance with the former and you can follow them, it could really be an amazing experience. Some are so intuitively skilled in leading body isolation, that you hardly don't have to do anything (just remember to unclench your jaws and relax) and they'll make your body move like Shakira's.
Cons: Even if they're really good, if you can't get over the fact that you're dirty dancing with an old man so short their eye levels with your nipples, it's going to be hard to relax and enjoy the dance.
Also, some of these men actually are not good dancers at all, but think that being Latin makes them automatically good dancers. Their lines usually include (if you are not a Latina) "It's great you're trying my thing, I'll teach you how to do it".
7. Black dudes
Pros: As the stereotype suggests, I find black people generally have nice athletic physical prowess, "the grooves", and are very intuitive partner dancers. I have found that black men are most likely to NOT stick to the conventional guide-lined moves and combos. They just have it in their body, somehow. I find it really educational and enjoyable to dance with them, because they tend to move to the music and feeling, rather than how they are taught in a class.
Cons: Because they often have a tendency NOT to stick to conventional dance moves, it can be tough to follow them.
8. Asians
Pros: Usually they are very clean, mild-mannered, well-behaved, very respectful of your boundaries, and are fairly well-studied (because Asians hardly never do anything they haven't studied for hours).
Cons: They tend to get very "technical", not in terms with partnering techniques, but in the way that they're generally obsessed with lots of moves and combos, trying with all their might to get them all done. I find the Asians quite the opposite of the Black people: Asians usually aren't encouraged to celebrate/show off their body parts, so they tend to go for technical stuff like crazy arm combos & fast moves.
